Judgement

 

This is something that has been on my mind for a few months. Whether it's judgement from others or simply judgement on yourself (we can be our own worst critics!)

There's no doubting that pregnancy is a vulnerable time. Everyone wants to give you 'advice' or their opinion. You are full of hormones and more tired than you've ever been in your life (working night shifts means I can definitely say this).

Judgement and guilt are inevitable, even if it's not intended that way. 

The first time you could experience judgement is simply telling people that you are pregnant. Hopefully, most people will be excited for you. But depending on your circumstances (age or family situation) you could already face people asking if it's really the right time. Luckily, our family and friends were over the moon for us. We had recently gotten married and also put an offer on a new, bigger house. The timing seemed almost too perfect!

Bumps and Boobs

In the same way we all come in different shapes and sizes, so do bumps and boobs. We all grow/show at different stages. Some don't get their life supporting boobs until later, I got them very early. Many of my friends and family simply guessed I was pregnant by the increase in cup size. I went up 2 cup sizes within a month! They were never very big before so now there was a very noticeable difference. One of the funniest moments was when I was hugging my husband from behind during a mine tour, I went to pull away and he pulled me back. I thought he was being sweet (I hate the dark and they just turned all the lights out!) but turns out he was just enjoying the feel of my new free boob-job 😂

All bumps are different but beautiful. Some start showing at 10 weeks on wards. Others wait until 24 weeks to start making an appearance. It does not mean you are fat if you start showing early. Nor does it mean you are doing something wrong if you show later on (I envy your strong abs if they hold on tight!)

However, your bump is the one thing everyone will constantly comment on. Most of the time there is nothing wrong with this. It can be lovely when people comment on it as it's a sign of your tiny human growing. But if you are one of a few pregnant people, comparisons are bound to happen. 

I have a lot of friends who are currently pregnant and we're all due within a month or so of each other. I started showing before some who are further ahead than me, but then others due after me showed more than me. None of them are wrong! After all, how can you control the size of your bump?! 

You can be made to feel self conscious for showing 'too soon' or for not even showing yet. You may wish for a bigger bump, where as the other lady may wish for a smaller bump. I was at a wedding recently, with a friend who is due 3 weeks after me. Her beautiful bump was already noticeably bigger than mine. I worried she was made to feel self conscious and embarrassed about it (she may not have been) because we were still in the early-ish days (4 month mark). I made sure I pointed out to others that I'm quite a bit taller so have more upward space for a baby to stretch out in. 

When did a small bump = less weight gained in pregnancy?! We are congratulated for having a small bump and carrying it all out front (ie, you don't look pregnant from behind).

Pregnancy is the one time you shouldn't have to feel aware of your weight. This is something I have struggled with. I came from a background of working out for 2 hours a day, focusing on different areas to train and how they were looking. Suddenly I was being told to rest more (due to complications) and wanting to eat everything in sight. My body changed quite quickly. 

We are raised in a media world, where mums are congratulated/pressured into losing baby weight as fast as possible. Even without being pregnant, we are constantly bombarded with images of slim, air-brushed models. Being told this is what we should look like. How do you turn off that style of thinking when your body is growing and changing to support another life?!

I was told several times, 'You're pregnant, not fat' An obvious statement but not actually helpful. I know I'm pregnant and that my body is going to change. But that doesn't stop me being self concious when I'm in that awkward middle stage of a small bump that isn't a defined bump. It was also at this time, that a work colleague told me that she couldn't wait to see me when I was huge, because right now I just looked fat 😲

I ended up buying maternity jeans quite early on, because the style of jeans I like sit quite high.....right where my bump was forming. It just felt uncomfortable. I didn't want to get normal, low rising jeans because even without being pregnant, they just make me feel like my ass crack is on show all the time! Even then, I had people exclaim that it was a bit early for buying them!
I also had the age old joke, 'Are you sure you're not having twins?.....' Yep! Pretty certain! But thanks for making me feel huge!

In the end, you just have to do what is right for you. Don't feel ashamed because you are a bit self conscious of your changing body. It takes time to get used to the differences. You can feel strange at the start, but still amazed and in awe of it. I love my bump. That doesn't stop me occasionally saying I feel fat.
Don't feel embarrassed or like you're doing something wrong if your bump is big or small. All that matters is the life growing inside 💓